This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
