i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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