I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
