Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
