I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
