i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
you had me at cake vodka
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just high enough for therapy.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
