Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
