I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
