Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
