I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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