you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
