What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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