You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
