I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
