you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
