In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
