oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
