she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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