I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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