this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Randomize
