She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
