Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
