The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
