I wanna passion pit in your ass
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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