We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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