Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
