My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
