I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
