What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
