Your face is a jimmy john
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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