My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
