Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
