But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
