Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The air was thick with penises
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
