The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
