my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
