Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
