my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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