Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
