so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
