I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
