please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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