Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
