i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
