Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
