Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
