Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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