I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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