My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
