I got chris browned last night
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
