who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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