Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
