Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
how does that bad decision feel?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
