Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
